Motherhood changed the way I react to a scene

Recently, my husband and I left our child in the care of her nanny while we watched “The Fault In Our Stars” at the nearby cinema.

I have read this book last year, and I pretty much knew what to expect. The movie even retained most lines from the novel, so it wasn’t really new. But I did not expect to cry when I did. I can’t find a clip, so I’m uploading photos of the text instead.
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8 ways that motherhood has changed me

Baby E & me
Bebe (4.5 months) and myself at our family photoshoot

1. I became a light sleeper — but only when it comes to Bebe.

Ask anyone who’s ever spent a night with me, and they’ll tell you the same thing. It’s incredibly difficult to wake me. No alarm clock is ever effective on me.

My husband is a loud snorer (so loud that he can be heard from the living room) yet I can sleep soundly snuggled up beside him.

At the same time, I wake up at my baby’s slightest whimper.

It’s incredible and I don’t know why it’s possible to happen that I can do both (sleep to my husband’s snoring and wake to my baby’s whimpering) but it’s true and I can’t explain it and it’s just so darn amazing to me.

2. I found out that I can survive on so little sleep.

At six months old, my baby still wakes up several times a night. I work full-time. Sometimes I wonder how I’m able to (mostly) function with the little, broken sleep that I get night after night.

There was a time when I was seriously considering sleep training as an option, but I’m back to “I think I can bear with it.” She sleeps in a cot beside our bed, so I still have to get up when she wakes. Sometimes I nurse her to sleep, sometimes a little patting and rubbing is all she needs, and sometimes she’s so wide awake that I need to rock her to get her drowsy. It’s only those moments (once a night, at most) when she just wouldn’t go to sleep, not even after nursing or  rocking her for close to an hour, that sleep training thoughts crawl into my head.

3. I discovered the strength of my arms.

According to the growth chart published by the Singapore government, Bebe is at the 97th percentile in weight. My sister tells me that my 6-month old is heavier than her almost-3-year-old child.

I used to think that I could not possibly rock her when her weight reaches 8kg (~18 lbs). Her weight is now almost 9kg (~20 lbs) and I’m still able to rock her to sleep. The only exception would be these once-a-night incidents where she’d sometimes become sleep-resistant: wouldn’t fall asleep to nursing or rocking. When I’ve rocked her for close to an hour, my arms start to ache. When I reach this point, I cave in, wake my husband up, and ask for help.

4. I found myself caring much about how my baby looks, but I don’t mind going out knowing I look dishevelled.

Her clothes are awesome, thanks to the generosity of my family and friends. When we go out, she’d look so incredibly put together, while I look like I just rolled off of bed. And I don’t care.

5. I’ve become less affectionate towards my husband.

This one is kind of tough to admit, but it’s true. My patience with him has become short. I get snappy. I demand more. I expect more.

It takes a bit of effort to remind myself to keep our relationship healthy. Just because I’m tired doesn’t mean I can snap at him for the little things. I need to learn to take a moment, take a breath, before responding. Sometimes that one intake of air is all it takes to make me react appropriately.

6. I found myself wanting to be home early.

Bebe is an early-to-bed, early-to-rise baby. She’s down by 7pm, and up for the day at 6:30am, with several wakings in between. Sometimes it’s a little inconvenient because you get to say “no” to most dinner invites. But I’m not complaining. This schedule gives us “me” time to unwind at the end of they day — and I think it’s what keeps us sane.

When we do go out with Bebe with us, we’ll definitely be home around 5pm.

When I go to the office, I don’t get to be the one to put her to bed because I don’t make it in time for her bedtime routine. Instead, I try to be home by 9pm.

7. I’ve become one of those parents on your social media feeds.

Yes, all my posts are about my cute baby. I flood your feed with her cuteness.

8. I’ve become to appreciate mothers more. Especially single moms, stay-at-home moms, and nannies included.

Raising a baby is an extremely demanding task, and I am saying this from the point of view of a married woman blessed with a nanny to help me out with a single baby. I don’t know how people cope with a child with special needs, multiple children, and/or with little help.

To anyone who’s ever raised a child: I am amazed by you. You are incredible.

Pregnancy, Censorship, and Book Shopping

Since finding out about my pregnancy and learning that babies feel what mommies feel, I’ve decided to hold off on my consumption of upsetting things. This put watching ‘Criminal Minds‘ and ‘Game of Thrones‘ on hold.

Unfortunately, the last remaining book I had which I hadn’t read yet was Isabel Allende‘s “The Island Beneath the Sea.” While it’s not a novel meant to be upsetting, it does paint a pretty good picture of slavery. I made it all the way to page 106 of 582, and then I decided I had enough. I put the book down.

But then, I had a new dilemma. I had nothing — absolutely nothing — to read.
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Great Expectations

I confess, I haven’t been very diligent in writing these days. The past few months have been a whirlwind for me. Many things have happened — themes of travel, work, and family — and those give me a lot of topics to write about. This one, however, trumps them all:

Little One at 13 Weeks
Little One at 13 Weeks

Yes, we’re expecting! Little one is about 15 weeks old as of now (ultrasound was taken a couple weeks ago), and we’re all excited. My siblings are arguing over whether little one is a boy or a girl. My mom doesn’t really care, as long as little one looks like her. My husband also doesn’t care, as long as little one gets my nose, haha.

Now, this won’t magically transform this a-little-bit-of-everything blog into a motherhood blog, but do expect a lot of baby-related posts to come about soon.