People with failed marriages are not bad people

Do not judge a person by his/her marital status; it is not indicative of his/her character.

I made that quote up.

It came up as I overheard two women talking about other women. “Most of them are separated from their husbands,” they said in such disapproving tones.

You would think that in this millenium, people would start to think differently.

I, who am still quite married and never been divorced, am quite offended for these women. Why should being separated from their husbands put them in a negative light? We don’t know what kind of husbands they have, or what situations they were in.

Continue reading “People with failed marriages are not bad people”

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Motherhood changed the way I react to a scene

Recently, my husband and I left our child in the care of her nanny while we watched “The Fault In Our Stars” at the nearby cinema.

I have read this book last year, and I pretty much knew what to expect. The movie even retained most lines from the novel, so it wasn’t really new. But I did not expect to cry when I did. I can’t find a clip, so I’m uploading photos of the text instead.
Continue reading “Motherhood changed the way I react to a scene”

A Message to a Fan(girl?)

When I still had more time in my hands, I used to watch some Korean dramas. I’m not a fan of the Korean pop culture, but I watch enough dramas to recognise a few people. So I wrote this post about one particular drama I watched, and (surprise, surprise!) it continues to be my most viewed post to date.

And then recently, I found this comment pending my approval:

CommentSoYiHyun

Looks like somebody got butt-hurt by my comments about one actress.

To you, dear commenter —

Beauty is subjective. Celebrities will always be under scrutiny. People will always have opinions, and I am entitled to mine. I never said I’m more beautiful than So Yi Hyun, but I do believe my nose is much nicer than hers. Nonetheless, you are entitled to your opinion too. So, your comment is approved. 🙂

8 ways that motherhood has changed me

Baby E & me
Bebe (4.5 months) and myself at our family photoshoot

1. I became a light sleeper — but only when it comes to Bebe.

Ask anyone who’s ever spent a night with me, and they’ll tell you the same thing. It’s incredibly difficult to wake me. No alarm clock is ever effective on me.

My husband is a loud snorer (so loud that he can be heard from the living room) yet I can sleep soundly snuggled up beside him.

At the same time, I wake up at my baby’s slightest whimper.

It’s incredible and I don’t know why it’s possible to happen that I can do both (sleep to my husband’s snoring and wake to my baby’s whimpering) but it’s true and I can’t explain it and it’s just so darn amazing to me.

2. I found out that I can survive on so little sleep.

At six months old, my baby still wakes up several times a night. I work full-time. Sometimes I wonder how I’m able to (mostly) function with the little, broken sleep that I get night after night.

There was a time when I was seriously considering sleep training as an option, but I’m back to “I think I can bear with it.” She sleeps in a cot beside our bed, so I still have to get up when she wakes. Sometimes I nurse her to sleep, sometimes a little patting and rubbing is all she needs, and sometimes she’s so wide awake that I need to rock her to get her drowsy. It’s only those moments (once a night, at most) when she just wouldn’t go to sleep, not even after nursing or  rocking her for close to an hour, that sleep training thoughts crawl into my head.

3. I discovered the strength of my arms.

According to the growth chart published by the Singapore government, Bebe is at the 97th percentile in weight. My sister tells me that my 6-month old is heavier than her almost-3-year-old child.

I used to think that I could not possibly rock her when her weight reaches 8kg (~18 lbs). Her weight is now almost 9kg (~20 lbs) and I’m still able to rock her to sleep. The only exception would be these once-a-night incidents where she’d sometimes become sleep-resistant: wouldn’t fall asleep to nursing or rocking. When I’ve rocked her for close to an hour, my arms start to ache. When I reach this point, I cave in, wake my husband up, and ask for help.

4. I found myself caring much about how my baby looks, but I don’t mind going out knowing I look dishevelled.

Her clothes are awesome, thanks to the generosity of my family and friends. When we go out, she’d look so incredibly put together, while I look like I just rolled off of bed. And I don’t care.

5. I’ve become less affectionate towards my husband.

This one is kind of tough to admit, but it’s true. My patience with him has become short. I get snappy. I demand more. I expect more.

It takes a bit of effort to remind myself to keep our relationship healthy. Just because I’m tired doesn’t mean I can snap at him for the little things. I need to learn to take a moment, take a breath, before responding. Sometimes that one intake of air is all it takes to make me react appropriately.

6. I found myself wanting to be home early.

Bebe is an early-to-bed, early-to-rise baby. She’s down by 7pm, and up for the day at 6:30am, with several wakings in between. Sometimes it’s a little inconvenient because you get to say “no” to most dinner invites. But I’m not complaining. This schedule gives us “me” time to unwind at the end of they day — and I think it’s what keeps us sane.

When we do go out with Bebe with us, we’ll definitely be home around 5pm.

When I go to the office, I don’t get to be the one to put her to bed because I don’t make it in time for her bedtime routine. Instead, I try to be home by 9pm.

7. I’ve become one of those parents on your social media feeds.

Yes, all my posts are about my cute baby. I flood your feed with her cuteness.

8. I’ve become to appreciate mothers more. Especially single moms, stay-at-home moms, and nannies included.

Raising a baby is an extremely demanding task, and I am saying this from the point of view of a married woman blessed with a nanny to help me out with a single baby. I don’t know how people cope with a child with special needs, multiple children, and/or with little help.

To anyone who’s ever raised a child: I am amazed by you. You are incredible.

Paulo Coelho's "The Zahir"
Paulo Coelho’s “The Zahir”

No one should ever ask themselves that: why am I unhappy? The question carries within it the virus that will destroy everything. If we ask that question, it means we want to find out what makes us happy. If what makes us happy is different from what we have now, then we must either change once and for all or stay as we are, feeling even more unhappy.”

– Paulo Coelho’s “The Zahir

On Identity and the Internet

1. Birth of my online identity

I have carved out a space for myself in the internet world since I was maybe 13 or 14 years old. It was borne out of a fandom. I wrote fan fiction, and submitted it to a website under a pseudonym, an alter-ego. I checked it out recently. The fandom has died down a bit, but the work remains published. Proof of my juvenile writing still exists, and no, I will not tell you how to find it.

Continue reading “On Identity and the Internet”